just something regular...

so....
things are CRAZY right now. good and bad. moving sucks!
but i got two good news the last two days. maybe its my saving grace.
now that i found out i dont have cancer...i've said i should quit smoking. ughh...but i dont know how. i keep saying i'll do it next week, i'll set a day...then come that day there i am -- puffin away.
anyone have any ideas?

Jesse...

Jesse -
almost timid
almost small
but you know more
you are strong.
In my life
you've come along
unsuspecting
there you are
like the glowing
morning star.

Jesse -
how do you figure
how do you know
my deepest feelings
i can show.
You're not like
the others
young -
but still i find
you very clever.

stay sweet
stay true
stay who you are.
stay my friend-
don't go too far.
I do love you.

Jesse -
tell me your heart
maybe i'll understand
or if even just
a listening ear
i will lend
i'll be your friend.

Jesse -
almost timid
almost small
but i know better
and so you are
like an angel
like my best friend
you bring me peace
you are my calm.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-25-09

not.my.home.

not the pretty pictures
not her favorite clothes
not all her precious plants
don't get rid of those

leave those hanging in the closet
leave her shoes by the door
leave the china in the cupboards
don't uproot my home

don't make me choose my favorites
don't make me pack anymore
don't give the rest to charity
please don't make me go

leave our pictures on the wall
please lets keep it all
don't want to let it go
this is my last home

BE

be something other
than these constant tears
be the sky
the birds
the ocean
be the fresh clean air
be anything but
the tears that i cry
show me you're near
give me a sign

be something other
than my broken heart
be the sun
the stars
the moon
be the night so dark
be anything other
than me falling apart
i want to know
you're not so far

be something other
than this pain
in me
only a reminder
you've gone away
from me
but if that is all you are
if that is all you can be
then a thousand tears
i'll gladly cry
to feel you
close to me


--Angie Blackschleger

2-23-09

DON'T CRY

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please dont cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
And don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight.

(Guns n Roses)


(i thought maybe this is what she might be saying to us :( )

alone

these days i feel
i'm so alone
there's no one to call
there's nowhere to go
wish i could call you
wish you could know
wish i could go home
to you.

it seems these days
everyone is gone
all of my friends
all have their own
maybe its okay
they aren't you anyway
it seems the only one who cared
was you.

these days i feel
i'm all alone
nowhere to call home
in this world i roam
wish i could call you
i know you would know
but i'm so far away
from you -
so alone.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-22-09

and yet....

i love you,
i dont know why
you make me sad
you're so unkind
i don't understand you
no matter how we try
i don't know you
not how i used to.

i love you,
i don't know why
there is no reason
you and i don't rhyme
i cannot reach you
yet still i try
so many times
i've said goodbye.

i love you,
i don't know why
i think you're ugly
we're so unalike
i cannot relate to your dreams
or your mind -
and you to mine.

i love you,
i don't know why
you are the thorn
in my side
it hurts all the time
even though i lie
you have been so strong
why can't i?

i love you,
i don't know why
you take and take
til i'm empty inside
and yet you do nothing -
you are a stone
so cold and hard
we are alone

i love you,
i don't know why
you break my heart
you shatter my life
for all that i am
for all that i will try
i love you so completely
and i don't know why.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-21-09

"don't scowl, ang"

whos going to tell me
not to put my knees up
at the dinner table
whos going to tell me
to watch my manners
whos going to encourage me
to carry a feminine grace
whos going to tell me
not to pick my face.
whos going to remind me
not to scowl?
whos going to convince me
that hes not worth it
i only listened to you
because you're the smartest
whos going to understand why
i burp so loud
i only did it because you
let them out
i guess i won't do it anymore.
whos going to dote on me
when i'm sick
to whom will i give the flowers
that i pick
whos going to understand
where i'm coming from
who's going to get me completely?
whos going to make it better
when i cry
whos going to tell me
everythings going to be alright
whos going to stroke my hair (ear)
when i'm sleeping
whos going to grab me
to hug and kiss me
who do i play whos hot and whos not
with
when i watch tv
whos going to have the running commentary
whos going to say god bless you
when i sneeze
who now can jul and i so perfectly tease?
whos going to be faithful to water the plants
whos going to know the question
before i even ask?
who will be there
to show me how
whos going to remind me
not to freaking scowl???

how do i....

how do i live
without my best friend
who was my beginning
who is my end
how do i stand
this broken heart
that only she could mend?

how do i survive
a day without my sun
a full life -
she gave me one
how do i get by
without the star in my night
how do i?

how do i live
without a part
i the body -
she my heart
how do i live
please tell me again,
without a heart?

how do i plan
another day
without the light
to guide my way
how do i walk
without her hand in mine
how do i?

how do i live
now she is gone
my life
my angel
my sweetest song
how do i go on
(without her)
she one half
i the other -
my mother...

how do i live
without her?

--Angie Blackschleger

2-19-09

i want to tell you
that i love you
and then i have to go
please don't be sad or feel lonely
you know i'll still be close

i want to tell you
that i'll miss you
i'm sorry i must go
but i have to go my own way
i have to walk alone

i want to ask you
if you'll pray for me
like you did when i was
a little girl
i still get scared and worried
when the nights they get too dark

i want to tell you
that i'll miss you
and even though i go
you'll always be my savior
my knight in shining armour
(and i love you
more than you know)


--Angie Blackschleger

2-19-09

i absolutely LOVE this song....

the day i said
goodbye
how bitterly
i cried
how hard i had
to try
to think
what i did
was right.

the day i left
your side
i wondered how
i might
get through
the darkest nights
you always
helped me
fight.

the day i did
decide
to go my own way
i felt my heart
would break
empty
lonely
did i make
a big mistake?

the day i said
goodbye
i realized that i
could never have made it
without you
by my side...
but who would wipe
the tears
i now cry
for you.

the day i said
goodbye
please know my love
never died
you were always
on my mind
but how i wish
i never left
your side...
for i never
wanted
to say goodbye
to you.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-17-09

mama

did you guess my heart
would shatter
did you think
that it would break
did you know my world
would crumble
if you told me
face to face

were you trying
to protect me
were you trying
to save me the pain
of having to remember
how you suffered
those last days

(it hurts anyway)

i wish i had an answer
i wish that i
knew why
you didnt bid me near you
so we could say
goodbye

--Angie Blackschleger

2-16-09

california metalfest

3-28-09

i'm going





heck yeah

I wanted to, I did

i wanted to
sit by you a while
i wanted to
hold your hand
one day
i wanted to
talk to you a while
and ask
if you're okay.

i wanted to
tell you that i'm sorry
for times i was
unkind
i wanted to
ask you all the questions
that have been
on my mind.

i wanted to
see your pretty smile
i wanted to
hold you close
once more
i wanted to
tell you that
i'll love you -
now,
and all my life.

i wanted to
talk once more
with you,
mother
i wanted to
share eachothers lives
i wanted to
be able to look
into your eyes
when i said
goodbye.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-14-09

smiles

smile -
the stars
they shine
for you

the day
that breaks
anew

the road you walk
was laid
for you.

smile -
the world
revolves
for you

your dreams
they will
come true

the darkness
will be over
soon.

though waves
crash
on your shore

a heart
out there somewhere
still knows

smile -
this i know
for sure:
the stars-
they shine,
the world-
it turns
For you


--Angie Blackschleger

2-12-09

(for danny)

i wish i had
a thousand roses
to put down
where you lay

i wish for you
the angels' song
i had
to serenade

i wish i had
a heart that's whole
to give you
adequately

i wish my love
was one so strong
to bring you
back to me.

but i only have
a dozen roses
that will wilt
in a few days

i only have
my simple words
to write for you
today

i only have
my heart
thats broken
to give
whats left in me

a daughters love -
though always...
it can't bring
you back to me.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-13-09



(*special thanks to terry)

fly

it's like....
me punching a 300 pound man...
being one in the thousands - that are just like me, or better.
telling someone from another religion "my god is true, yours isn't"
telling someone something in english when all they understand is chinese.
...

it matters nothing, it doesnt go anywhere, it doesnt get through.
fuck, i dont remember where i was going with this.
...
all the words i ever said, didn't help. i thought getting answers would make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse.

let me keep my pain ...inside.for myself. i won't share it with you.

i know soon you will be... over.....the lies...

beyond the clouds

if the power
to turn back
the hands of time
was mine
i would turn it back
to when
you were still mine

the days
and years
i had to hold
you close
your words
and your counsel
to hear your voice
these are the times
i want back
the most

if i could make it
so that an apology
would be enough
i would say
i'm sorry
i didn't show you how much
i love you

maybe one day
beyond the clouds
i can hold you close
once more
i can make you proud
i can hold your hand
i can see you smile
i can hear you laugh
we can linger a while...

your hand in mine...
make new memories
and time

how i yearn for the day
my heart that breaks
will be mended
when i see your face...

patiently i wait
for that day
beyond the clouds...


--Angie Blackschleger

2-8-09

hold still...

its hard to remember you
as you were -

your full round face
your soft red curls

your firm embrace
your bouncy step
your rich deep laugh
these all left...

the cancer came
too quick
who knew
it stole all these things
away from you

yet still i saw
the light in your eyes
and still you reached out
to hold your hand
in mine -
though frail.
you still laughed -
though quietly
at the jokes of mine.

i hope where you are
i hope tonight
you gained back all you had
in your life
how i knew you -
your full round face
your soft red curls

your firm embrace
your bouncy step
your rich deep laugh...

all these things
and more
i wish
that cancer can never again
take these things away
from you.

--Angie Blackschleger

2-6-09

:(

i came across these ...
i never read them before.... it made my heart...:(


Angela:

You must dream of Heaven
where I wish to go
You must dream of Jesus
I know He loves you so
You must dream of Peace and Love
You must be from the place
above
Where birdies
Wish to fly
You must be from Paradise -
I see it in your eyes.

Kimberly Blackschleger

Oct. 5 ‘86



Angela

You have brought me Heaven
Where I’ve wished to go
You have been with His angels
I know He loves you so
You have brought me
Peace and Love
You must be from the stars
above
Where birdies
Wish to fly
You must be from Paradise -
I see it in your eyes

Kimberly Blackschleger

Oct 5, ‘86

i miss you

the sun shines
the coffee drips
i read the lines

and i miss you

the minutes go
i follow the road
hear the songs i know

and i miss you

to work i go
my smile i show
and no one knows

how i miss you

i blink my eyes
clouds float on by
rain falls from the sky

and i miss you

the dinner made
the tv blazed
my head i lay

and i miss you

the world it turns
the sun it burns
the stars they burst

and i still miss you

--Angie Blackschleger

2-5-09

YAY

so...
i got my license back.
yay for meee!!!!!

p.s.

GO STEELERS!!!
YEAH!!!!

(yes, stephie, i love you too! ;))

projects

so...
i've decided i want to take all my poems and write them in a book.
most of them i only have documented on the computer...
so i thought what if everything crashes...then it'll all be lost.
another thought i had was...if i ever have kids then they will have a hard copy of all my poems...if anything happens to me.
and if i never get that far (having kids)
then my siblings will have something.
anyway...i have poems since i was about 13 or 14 (cringe)...so this will be my next project.

in other news...
i've started to cook...its quite enjoyable , and relaxes me.
i made the bomb (if i may say so myself) beef stroganoff last night. mmm...
i'm just cooking now while i can..once i move out i dont think i will continue...
i just like to cook for dad and jul