week 3

and its really quite a mess....
but cool pic eh? at least i think so...

million dollar question(s)

i would give a million dollars to step into a guys mind. i want to know what they mean when they say certain things, why they say the things they do. i want to know why they fuck with you. i want to know why they arent honest. i want to be able to ask them a question without them getting all dumb about it. its just a freaking question! i want to know why they dont call. i want to know why they pretend. i want to know why they arent straight up with you. i want to know why they chat you up for hours when all the really want is a piece of you. i want to know how they can sleep at night. i want to know if they care at all. i want to know why they bother. i want to know.

its a beautiful day

sometimes i wonder how things come to be. i wonder how i got to a certain place. its so strange...
but i am happy today. i was happy yesterday...and the day before that and the day before and even the day before......
i dont want to get sad again...
well yesterday was so homo at work. i hadnt slept at all the night before and i was so tired. i dont think i should be going out on the nights i have to work the next day. its not really worth it. i mean it is but....i can hardly functiont the next day. its no fun.

six flags

So we went to six flags today. made SUCH a big mistake by going on the first ride that we did. i've never been on a rollercoaster so i didnt know what i was getting myself into. dude it was so intense. i seriously thought i was going to die. so after that only the guys went on the crazy ones and us girls just waited. we went on some smaller ones it was fun. the last one we went on was so freaking gay. i think i did permanent damage to myself. it probably would have been cool if it wasnt so jerky. and we waited all this time in line for it. pfft.
so i am not cut out for those intense rollercoasters. at least i know that now...
give me disneyland any day.

BOYFRIENDLESS

went to a kick back last night. it was fun. had some good converstion and met some interesting people. at one point we started playing spin the bottle but it was so lame. i only did truth because i didnt trust the people i was playing with. all guys. go figure.
anyway so i've been thinking about this today....this guy wrote his number on my arm and 'call me'. well this morning when i got up i washed it off and didnt even give a second thought about it.
but later on in the day i thought to myself, no wonder i dont have a boyfriend. i didnt even give someone a chance. and now for a little dramatization....what if he was the one? not like he is, but hypothetically...
i could have just missed something good. and now i'll NEVER EVER KNOW.
how weird is that? so i was just trippin on that today...
he was sweet and i feel really bad. cuz i know what its like when you really want someone to call u and they never do...
i'm so gay.
and terribly boyfriendless.

credit cards

i dont know what happened....i owe so much money on my credit card, and i was doing the math and if i pay the minimum amount every month its gonna take me YEARS to pay it back. all the while i'll keep spending so its like a never ending cycle. i think i might just break my credit card...
its the devils workshop!
oh and now for a moment of self glorification. heh so me and jul were at walmart today and in the parking lot this guy comes up and asks for 70 cents for the bus. so i'm getting it out of my purse and he's all making conversation about the baby and everything. and he asks me if i'm a supermodel. i'm like no (blush blush). and he's like well u have the body for it.
well that was nice to hear after constantly hearing that i'm "too skinny" and "anorexic". of course this guy was probably just a perv but...whatever.
hehe.
and i'm sick of spending money on gasoline! its a freaking conspiracy!

week 1

stereotype

so me and my dad were standing on the porch yesterday and this car was driving out of the complex. it was a really fancy mercedes and the guy driving it was black. and my dad says "he's a dealer for sure" and i got so mad. i was like you cant assume he's a dealer just cuz he's black and he has a fancy car. even if its true YOU DONT KNOW. we dont know him for shit. I said it would be the same as someone saying i smoke weed because i have dreadlocks.
not that i have a problem with weed its just people jumping to this conclusion by my outward appearance.

vanity

ok so i confess i'm feeling kind of ugly. i'm feeling useless. untalented. lazy. bored. u should see my room. its a complete disaster. i'm such a slob.
i will get around to it eventually... but i hardly see the point. sometimes i just want to wallow in it. dont ask me why. its really quite disturbing.
oh i had a weird dream last night about marisa. i dreamt she was back with aaron and it seemed like she walked out on micheal and bella. it was so weird. and i was all sad about it.
i dont know why i dreamt that...
my head itches...

there are alot of things i am thinking about...
freakin...
me and jul were asking dad last night what he would think if i got pregnant. he totally didnt want to talk about it and nearly walked off. why is he so freaked out of the notion of me having a baby? sam's all 'you're not ready'. what the freaking heck?!?! who decides if i'm ready or not? why is everyone ganging up on me.


so i figured out all the reactions of the people in my family

Dad: slightly amused but refuses to admit it

Mom: "but your hair was looking so good"

Aimee: doesnt understand why i would do it

Tom: doesnt believe it

Marisa: thinks its cool

Jul: doesnt really care

Sam: is jealous :D

woo hoo

so i got my dreads finally. after years and years of wanting them...
i'm smiling.
awesome.
not so awesome that my head is KILLING me though. not to mention my butt for sitting down for hours. hmmm...
well i'm going to go rest my head.

SOAD

so i've been listening to alot of their music. now that i have all of their albums i can easily recognize how they have changed. It took me a while to get used to their two latest albums, Hypnotize and Mesmerize. at first i was like dammit why did they have to have daron malikan start singing. his voice is nasel and very not rocking. I MISS SERJ. but i acquired a taste for it after a while. i was only listening to those two albums and of course Toxicity as that is my favorite. Recently i started listening to the album "system of a down" and i just got "steal this album" and oh how much they have changed! I think they sold out. how did they get from speaking out against war and government to singing about terracotta pie?! unless i am missing some hidden meanings? Anyway i still love them.



I've been walking through your streets
Where all your money's earning
Where all your building's crying
And clueless neckties working
Revolving fake lawn houses
Housing all your fears
Desensitized by TV
Overbearing advertising
God of consumerism
And all your crooked pictures
Looking good, mirrorism
Filtering information
For the public eye
Designed for profiteering
Your neighbor, what a guy.

Every time you drop the bomb
You kill the god your child has born

Modern globalization
Coupled with condemnations
Unnecessary death
Matador corporations
Puppeting your frustrations
With the blinded flag
Manufacturing consent
Is the name of the game
The bottom line is money
Nobody gives a fuck.
4000 hungry children leave us per hour
From starvation
While billions are spent on bombs
Creating death showers.

Every time you drop the bomb,
You kill the god your child has born

Why, why, why, why must we kill, kill, kill, kill
Our own, own, own, own kind...

babies

so its quite depressing....
everyone in my family has children except for me. i want babies too!!! but..by the time i have one its gonna be nothing special for my parents or my brothers and sisters.