to make you smile...

Today
I said goodbye to him
I finally let it go
I think that I
can love again,
I wanted you to know.

I know
that I still love him
I think I always will
But to stay here with
a heart unwanted...
I'm done with that ordeal.

Today
I closed the door on him
To never reopen once more
You said that I
deserve better than this,
So I've finally let him go.

--Angie Blackschleger

I Think you loved The Spring

I can't help but think
You would like this time of year -
the birds come out to sing
There's a gentle breeze in the air.

I can't help but feel
You would love this time of year -
the flowers start to bloom
Their fragrence floats through the air.

I can't help but wish
You were here this time of year
When nature comes to life -
When spring is almost here.

(Though maybe it's prettier where you are.)

-Angie Blackschleger

lone

tonight
i miss you
mommy
and i wonder
where you've gone
are you happy
now with jesus
or are you
lost
somewhere floating
all alone.
tonight
i worry about you
mommy
i hope
you're doing fine
sometimes
i have nightmares
it makes me
want to cry.
i miss you
tonight
mommy
i hope you're not alone
are you there
up in heaven
watching me

can you see me
write this poem?

--AB

for never....

forever
can't erase
the image
as you lay
helpless
gone to sleep
consciousness
you never
regained

forever
in my mind
i cannot unwind
how
i held
for the last
time
your hand
in mine

forever
will never deny
how
tears poured
from my eyes
as did the rain
from the sky
on the day
you died


-Angie Blackschleger

scream

DAMN
ALL THE SMILES
I SMILED TODAY
DAMN
THE LAUGHTER
ALL THE JOKES
THAT I HEARD TODAY
BADE

DAMN
THE TRIVIAL CONVERSATIONS
AND QUESTIONS
I MADE
DAMN
ALL THE DRAMA
THAT I CREATE

DAMN
THIS CHAT
AND THAT COMPUTER GAME
I PLAY
DAMN
DISTRACTION HI5
FACEBOOK
AND MYSPACE

DAMN
TRYING TO FIX
AND TRYING
TO BE OKAY
DAMN
TRYING TO BE LOVED
BY ALL THE THINGS
I HATE

DAMN
THAT DRESS
AND THOSE PAINFUL SHOES
DAMN
THAT MAKE UP
AND THAT PRETTY FACE

DAMN IT ALL
(TO HELL)
ITS ALL
JUST FAKE


-Angie Blackchleger

more

here are a few old compositions i found. might as well post them...what the heck.




SHALLOW/DROWN

i dont think i can take anymore
my heart exposed
i need to hide it away
before it decides to stop beating

i dont think you care much
or even at all
and even the hope of just a little
maybe thats too much abuse

i wonder if you secretly laugh
mock me in my stance
knowing i would eat the crumbs
that you leave from your feast

i dont think it sickens you
like it does me
when i think about you breathing
and your heart beating
without even a thought of me

i dont think i have any hope left
and no fight to lose
considering i've been alone in this
all along

i wonder if you'll lose your footing
when you only have one world to play in
maybe not
i'm sure you're used to watching it all fade away


--Angie Blackschleger

i miss you
my friend
i miss having a conversation at the end of the day
just finding out how you are
and telling you how i've been
i miss talking about everything and nothing
i miss looking forward to you
i miss being in your life
and you in mine
i miss knowing who you are
and finding things out about you
i miss the clarity and comfort
i miss the understanding
i miss the safety i felt with you
i miss most of everything
but most of all i miss being friends
and i wish we could at least be that
again


--Angie Blackschleger

these chinese chicks...

gnarly

i'm still breathing (Katy Perry)

I leave the gas on
Walk the alleys in the dark
Sleep with candles burning
I leave the door unlocked
I'm weaving a rope and
Running all the red lights
Did I get your attention
'Cause I'm sending all the signs that

The clock is ticking
And I'll be giving my two weeks
Pick your favorite shade of black
You'd best prepare a speech
Say something funny
Say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me

I'm still breathing
But we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're goin down for sure
Already lost our grip
Best abandon ship...

Maybe I was too pale
Maybe I was too fat
Maybe you had better
Better luck in the sack
No formal education
I swore way too much
I swear you didn't care
'Cause we were in love

So as I write this letter
And shed my last tear
Know it's all for the better
That we end this here
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say that you loved me

I'm still breathing
But we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're going down for sure
Oh we've been diagnosed
So let's give up the ghost

I'm still breathing
I'm still breathing



(grgrgrgr this song is PERFECT. why couldnt i have written it?)

he's just NOT that into you

it's brilliant.


every girl should read it.

blue

all the questions i wanted answered...they can linger on. i dont care. not anymore.
you're not my person. if i dont deserve to know, then you dont deserve any of me at all.
and i'm not even mad. its just the way it is.

in the words of arch enemy...

the day you died
my tears ran dry
i feel you
i hear you
echo in my soul
i failed you
i miss you so
the day you died
echoes in my soul

This song

I really like this song. I think its written by Francesco Paladino




I have no regrets
And I'll never forget even part
Of the love that we shared
All the sweetness and care

And I know that He's making us new
As He's breaking our hearts
All the lessons and tears
Will speak to us
Through the years

And now it's time
To press ahead
Trust Him for the way He's lead
Lay aside the plans we made
And start again
And start again

Lets thank Him for the time we shared
I'll meet you in my dreams and prayers
It won't be long
Till He appears
To give us all we gave up here
His love is worth it all.

I'll love you forever
And nothing will ever change that
And what He began
We'll one day share again
But now He's got something better
So go and don't ever look back
Run like you've never ran
Holding tight to His hand

And now it's time
To press ahead
Trust Him for the way He's lead
Lay aside the plans we made
And start again
And start again

Lets thank Him for the time we shared
I'll meet you in my dreams and prayers
It won't be long
Till He appears
To give us all we gave up here
His love is worth it all.

UGH

ugh.
so I'm in the bookstore today. all tralalala...and all the sudden i notice chocolates and cards and valentines this and valentines that EVERYWHERE. just coming at me from every side. ugh.

i wanted to throw up.

oh and i forgot to say....
LEAVE ME ALONE
UGH

hilarious!!!!

for you

I know it hurts
Alot tonight
I wish I could erase
Your pain inside
I wish I could tell you
We're going to be alright
I wish I knew why
She had to die.

I know you're crying
Don't try to hide
I wish I could banish
All tears we cry
I'm sorry it hurts you
It hurts me too
I would do anything
To bring her back to you.

I cannot say
If the pain will go away
Or if we will see her
Again another day
But I do know this
She loved you so
Dhe'd want you to be happy
And not lose that smile of yours.

I cannot stop
Your tears as they fall
But I'm here to catch them
If you need me to
At all
I know no one can replace
Our loving mother
But I'm still here
I'm always your sister.

Brother, I know
It hurts tonight
I wish I could make it
All alright
All I have is I'm sorry
For all the things we'll never know
And I'm sorry
So sorry
Our mommy had to go.




--Angie Blackschleger

here

i'm sorry i was being a bitch. its just because i think you're way too pretty.
i'm sorry i was upset with you when i should have been encouraging and supportive. it just hurt and thats all i could think about. but i realise my feelings on the matter are respectfully irrelevant.
i'm sorry i yelled at you. i'm just angry that someone is so blatantly hurting you and it seems you just let them do it. over and over.
i'm sorry i yelled at you, but i love her.
it doesnt mean i dont love you too.

i'm just imperfect.

myob

half my face is numb...but i'm not scared. i have a foul taste in my mouth....but right now it tastes better than chocolate. i feel like vomiting...and i cant think of anything more comforting than puking my guts out.
my heart is beating so fast i think i'll go for a run in hopes that it might burst.
its too broken to be useful anymore anyway.


the end.

and i think..

my tooth is rotting out of my head.

p.s.
boys are stupid.

ouchy

so i'm sick...AGAIN...
and it makes me miss you more.

Eulogy for my Mom

If I knew the last time I talked to my mom would be the last, this is what I would tell her:

Dear Mom,
I love you. I love you with everything that's in me.

You are so many things to me. You are a mother in every sense of the word. Your generosity amazes me. Growing up, i remember thinking to myself often "I wonder how someone can possibly be so generous".
You have the biggest heart, and you are so caring. You always make sure we have everything we need. I know I can always run to you no matter what. You are my safest place to hide.

You are so slow to anger. You know how dad was normally the diciplinarian ...well, whenever you had to end up doing it,when you were "up to here and beyond the highest of the heavens" with us, I confess at times we would laugh at you. Not out of disrespect, but because you never pulled anger off too well.

I'm glad we've gotten closer in the last few years and I hope I've shown you how much I love you and how grateful I am for everything you've taught me and shown me.
In the last few months you've said you're sorry you didnt show us enough love. Did I tell you you're crazy for saying that? You've been nothing but loving to us all these years. You love all of us so much I wonder how you do it so that one felt they were the only one you loved at all.

You are such a cool mom, and you are so pretty. Even though in the last months you've gotten sicker, you are still so beautiful to me. Did I tell you you look prettier than ever? Because you do.

I couldn't have asked for a better mom, and this last year especially I came to realise just how perfect you are.
You've put forth such a good example on how to be as a person, and I think that if I manage to be just a fraction of what you are, that will be something good.
You are everything good in me.

Not to get too ahead of myself, but if I ever am to have children, I hope I can be the mother to them like you are to me. That will be my prayer.
Thank you for giving me life, for loving me and taking care of me. Thank you for teaching me the value of every waking moment.

I wish I could keep you. I'm going to miss you, Mom.
I'm going to miss your voice, your face, your talks, your laugh , your smile, your hugs and kisses, your touch, and your words. I'm going to miss our conversations, I'm going to miss joking with you. I will miss you asking me three times a day how work was.

I dont know what I'm going to do without you, or how I will live without you, but I know you will want me to try and do my best.

You've always told me I'm your angel, but I think it's the other way around. You're MY angel here on earth, in my life, and you're still going to be. The only difference is now you're going to have wings.







Golden Butterfly

Once the night looked kindly
Once the sun did shine
On you my gentle treasure
That once on earth were mine
Once you smiled to see me
And once I held you near
But now my eyes are misty
My treasures far from here
But I'm happy
Because you're happy
Because you're in heaven safe at last
Trials are past
Pain is over
That cocoons no more your home
For you my precious butterfly
Have flown

rose of sharyn (KSE)

Numb and broken,
Here I stand alone,
Wondering what were
The last words I said to you
Hoping, praying that I'll find a way
To turn back time,
Can I turn back time?
What would I give to behold.
The smile the face of love,
You never left me,
The rising sun
Will always speak your name.

Numb, i'm broken
Here i stand alone.
Wondering the words,
The last words i said to you
It won't be long
We'll meet again...

What would i give, to behold
The smile, the face of love?
You never left me
The rising sun
Will always speak your name

It won't be long, we'll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won't be long, we'll meet again
My love for you is everlasting.

I mourn for those who never knew you
I mourn for those who never knew you

It won't be long, we'll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won't be long, we'll meet again
My love for you is everlasting.

It won't be long, we'll meet again..
It won't be long, we'll meet again..
It won't be long, we'll meet again..
It won't be long, we'll meet again..