what if

what if she can't stay here
what if thats all thats holding her back
what if she wants to stop feeling
what if she doesnt want to fight back
what if her heart doesnt stop breaking
what if she loses it all
what if failure is an option
what if she just wants to fall
what if she cant keep standing
what if she just cant deal
what if she wants to stop breathing
what if she wants to kill








Angie Blackschleger

...

...


i heard you had a bad day today.....
i wish you could breathe better
i hate it when we have to call 911
i wish you could start to eat again
you're losing so much weight
i feel bad for eating so much,
when you can barely drink even a cup of water.
i know i was supposed to take you out for dinner a few months ago. and you were really looking forward to it.
but i never did (i was tired)
and i never would have thought that was the last chance i'd have.
i wish i could take you to get your hair done or something...
but those hair salons smell of chemicals
and you wont be able to breathe that
i'm sorry that i'm still smoking...i'll try to quit sometime soon i promise.
i wish i could take better care of you and i wish i had a lot of money so you could have everything you need
and so that dad didnt have to stress about money either
and only take care of you
i hope the medicine is killing your cancer
but if not then dad says you're going to just ask god to heal you
well, if you believe
then i will try to, too
i'm sorry i dont spend much time with you
i'll try to more often
sometimes i'm just afraid to be around you
for fear that i'll feel you fading away
...........i wish i was a stronger person for you.
i hope you get better soon ... you must be really tired of being sick
i hope you dont give up
i know its selfish but i dont know how i would live without you
and i wouldnt have a clue what dad would do either....

night out

went out with marie and juls last night
it was really quite eventful
i am slightly hung over....but most of all exhausted and my body aches from dancing; haha good times.
i'm glad i got to hang out and talk with marie.
shes such a lady....
i think we had fun...from having straight up girl talk ..i got us kicked out of the club for smoking inside ("I'll just do it discreetly" hahahhaa what idiots)...
dancing and requesting reggeton
driving down the freeway ..................... hahaha
now if only jul and i hadnt gotten into a fight...but she doesnt even remember anyways.
well
heres a picture
i look like a demon from hell and marie looks like she just escaped a mental instituion
oh and ps american guys .... dude what can i even say
what f**ktards

monday

so yesterday was my day off and i was all minding my own business
then sam and jul come over with a load of her stuff
and they had to go back to get one more load
so they're all like why dont u come with us and i'm all hmm well i have stuff to do like laundry and clean the bathroom etc and they're all come on its fine juls all i'll help you with that later and sam and jul come on it'll be fun , we'll drive, chill , talk etc. and i (stupid fool) all ok yeah sure sounds like fun what the hell.
boy was i in for a nightmare. hahahahaha....
so first stop carls jr. and i'm like YEAH i'll get that bomb burger. so i'm like hey do u still have the philly cheese steak melt and they're all uhhhh no???
fags.
so fine....
we're driving....
anyway long story short the next five hours was loading, unloading, driving for HOURS.
and then my ipod died.
UGH!
IDIOTS!!
so needless to say i didnt have time to do any of the things i was supposed to.
but anyway...
me and jul promoted sam to a jemmo (only me and jul will get that)