""gut

crash fall there they go my dreams my hopes fading in to oblivion dead and gone and my heart says cry you stupid eyes cry but they reply as if they're alive no heart it wont make it better keep yourself together dont break this time days months years time is so cruel everything and everyone passes me by while here i am going nowhere bearing this fucking weight and not sleeping and not eating and shaking and having no where to get rid of it and barely holding on and knowing all i have to do is figure out how to let go that if i could it would be over but i cant because if i do what else is there? and losing touch i've had enough i've learned my lessons no more pain please take it away i'd rather feel nothing go away you stupid sun i dont want to see your light everytime i see you shine it confirms i'm still alive and my head tells my soul die soul die and it replies not now we cant afford it when everything ever known to be true could end up being all lies and thats the end. and so here we all are stuck with a painful past and a dead future and nothing comes together and nothing cooperates so life goes on and on and on relentlessly torturing no rest no time to catch your fucking breath and suffocating and yeah alive you are but thats what kills you inside so essentially you're as good as dead you're a dead person useless and life means nothing and anyway as i was saying you can try and try and you can convince yourself that everything will be fine but as long as that clock is ticking and the sun is shining and the earth keeps fucking spinning you know that ultimately ....you're fucked so no i will not cry you won you little bitch thanks for nothing i give up goodbye





Angie Blackschleger

earthquake

so there was an earthquake yesterday
i think i was in denial about it i just sorta stood there...meanwhile everyones running outside and yelling at me to do the same. by the time i reacted...it was basically over.
then i was all freaked out haha
and no one could call anyone for like 20 minutes cuz everyone was simultaneously calling people.
haha
i hate earthquakes
you could say i got shook up for sure
haha

my day in court

1500 in fines
3 months of classes....costing 500
3 years informal probation
suspended license till at least the 21st of August.

gay

DD

if you've ever seen the movie Waiting, i'm the crazy dark haired waitress thats always pissed off at everything and everyone
hahahahahhaa
you have to see it to know what i'm talking about....


hmmm


court tomorrow morning ughghghgh
fingers crossed

blah

so i FINALLY watched The Departed....
i heard it was awesome..
and well....honestly, it wasnt really what i anticipated.maybe i was expecting too much...
but oh well, still good acting etc.
hmm....
3 days off work....still not enough...SIGH...back to the grinding pit tomorrow...

anyways...
i just found out that anthems of rebellion was BEFORE doomsday machine.
i always thought it was after....all this time. tsk tsk...
what a revalation

boy was this convicting...

my name is Angie

and i'm not an alcoholic

for heavens sake

stop

sometimes
i want to run
far away
from my mind

just stop thinking

sometimes
i want to stop
the beat
of my heart

just stop feeling

t-o'd

so anyways...
what part of "just a hair trim, as little as possible, i'm trying to grow my hair out" dont people understand?!?!?!??!?!?!?
jesus
is it such a big request ?!?!?
ughhh
so now i'm back to square freaking one.


i'm depressed (not only about my hair)...so i thought i would purchase a new phone today i thought maybe it would cheer me up having a new gadget
but i just ended up farting around all day then it was time to go to work.
well i guess tomorrow...
and i have to see about going to AA as well
sighh

searching for the perfect song
to tell you how i feel
but if even the words of the best writers dont have it
how would mine ever do?

how did u know i needed you
always there to break my fall
remaining patient beside me
when i am not myself at all


somehow you always know what to do

so no matter what happens
even if i never see you again
you will always be in my heart
and i will always be your friend






Angie Blackschleger